He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
