Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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