i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
