You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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