Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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