It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
