Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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