Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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