I need help removing her.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
