yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
