so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
