Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize