I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
