I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
