WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize