i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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