You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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