420 ftw
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
