I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
