We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
