No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
