you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
