You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
