he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
