How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
