please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
