dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
