Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
