i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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