So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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