i think i have herpe
just one?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
