"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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