You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
