My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
