don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
