Pappa wants mamma naked
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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