Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
