I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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