Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
