you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize