he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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