i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
