Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
