she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
