You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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