Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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