Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
