Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
