I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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