she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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