Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize