I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
