i jhust puked up my retainher.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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