4 words: hood of his car
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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