so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
