he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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