It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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