Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
