When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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