Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
