I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
