I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize