Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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