btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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