nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
