the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
