I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
