tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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