Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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