If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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