Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
