Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize